Crooked Tree is Playing Damien Rice.

I know how lucky I am. Or at least I think I know the extent of it. It is more than possible that I overlook things I should be grateful for, but I am sure of one thing: I  am thankful for Mitch.

Let me tell you about him. He sings in the car. He spends several long minutes deliberating over how to phrase the smallest bit of written communication. He has known exactly what he wants to do since his freshman year in high school and he doing it. He dances (with me or by himself).  He writes me letters.

I love watching him just be. I love that he called that first vanilla chai we had "heaven in a cup". I love how he started thinking of things as adventures because he knew I would enjoy it. I love that he is passionate about the law, about the Lord Jesus Christ, and about music.

And I enjoy what we are together. I enjoy speaking with someone so intelligent and also so distinctly authentic. I enjoy choosing wines together. I enjoy sipping coffee with him and reading articles. 

A few years ago who would've believed ago that the guy who was so serious and the girl who was so crazy would find a home in each other? I wouldn't have. I didn't see it coming but I am so thankful that it did. God is good.


Without Pretenses

Some people feel like they are completely in control of their lives. 

Some people act as if they are completely controlled by their lives.

Yet, as it is the tendency for extremes to be incorrect, neither of these extremes can be true.

We cannot control all that comes at us. Sometimes we cannot even control ourselves, though one wishes that would be a rare occasion. It is just as true that outside pressures and events cannot not be blamed for the outcome of lives. Rise above circumstances we must. Let us flee from excuses and every day embrace the grace of God and try to do-- good.



Foreign Policy

As a kid, and still to this day, I was always a big fan of "if you just ignore them they'll stop."

Tell me what that means about my foreign policy.

Do I think I am more resilient than the outside? How would I be different if I thought I was stronger than the outside? What about if I thought I could take the opportunity to teach them? What if I acted upon it as if it were a catalyst for witnessing?



Here's proof that we invest more thought in things than those things rationally merit. When a cake falling brings down your day. When that meeting with someone you respect is awkward, rather than whatever you expected it to be, and you question all that you are. When that one gesture would have made things all better. Sure. We know that cakes often fall, and assuming guilt because of it isn't rational. And we know that there are several things that can make a meeting awkward, least of all your entire life plan. And no gesture is ever the thing you really want, it is all those things that it might symbolize. All those things that you packed into the insignificant act of saying “thank you.”

Despite the obviousness of our irrationality when it comes to expecting too much out of something or seeing greater things than can really fit in such a tiny, tiny package, we still do it. We know it is silly. We know it was only a means to an end and what we are most upset about is that we never got that end.

What do we do to get it? If that one thing that we packed into a smaller thing is so clearly just a symbol, why do we not move past it and get to what we really want? Say if baking that perfect cake represented your competence in the kitchen, plus the ability to make a dessert both your boyfriend and his mother would like, plus silencing his dad's grumbles about “coulda helped out more in the kitchen,” plus the salvation of a bad day, why not see the cake for what it is-- a trickly little pastry, and actually get to those things you actually wanted. Get those kitchen skills, delight your boy, prove your helpfulness, find peace at the end of the day, but store it not all in a cake.

If I were to take my advice, I would stop over-analyzing situations so much. I would be more honest with myself about what I expect from people. I would feel less guilty about things I can't control, like cakes, and perhaps more guilty about the things that are in my power, like keeping my cool and communicating my thoughts and feelings.  

Blog from October 11th

Yesterday was a contemplative day, as well as a great finish to the “work week.”

So as to follow the request of a friend, this blog will not be long.

Have I told you that I write articles for a newsletter-turned-journal called “Pop Culture and Faith”? This is my second year to write for it. I'm currently working on a 7-10 page essay about engaging culture as a Christian. I thought it would be simple. It isn't. I've run into so many snags and total messes in this article. It seems muddied and bland. My confidence as a writer has taken a hit. In addition, I am more confused about what I think I believe than ever.

More than anything, I want to make sure that when I am writing about what I believe I am doing just that. I do not want to write what I think I should believe. There are ideas about worldview that I think sound great, but I'm not sure that my heart and mind operate on those ideas. Do I really view the world through the Biblical narrative of Creation, Fall, and Redemption? It is a great idea, but is it my REAL worldview?

How do I know what I really believe? Dr. Naugle said it will show through my words, actions, goals, priorities, etc. I'm just throwing these questions out into the universe right now.

Anyway, road tripping to Austin with Mitch was then getting dinner with Mary and Tiffany was lovely. The Mediterranean festival downtown was also quite interesting. I made a friend! He was three and wore a turtle necklace.

A Loud Slurp


That's Just How I Feel About It.

Something Sarah Palin said the other night during the VP debate has been bugging me. You know I'm undecided still. Okay, maybe you do not know that because of my previous incessant blogging about Obama. I understand how you might not be quite clear on the fact that I am, indeed, still undecided. Anyway, I've watched all three debates so far looking for Mr. Right. I watched Palin have at it with Biden to see if she exuded competency and sound reason. She was composed and some degree of authentic.  But once, she muttered something along the lines of "It's all going to be okay." 

Hold it right there. I'm a big proponent of "It's all going to be okay" in individual situations. In that way I'm quite a fatalist and am resigned to thinking that things work themselves out and no matter what I can just be content with what God hands to me. Fate. BUT, on the larger scale--- NO! You are a statesman (eh, politician) to DO things. To fix! To legislate! To create! You cannot just smile, and think "shucks. This economic crisis sucks, but if I just sit back and ride this ticket to the White House, SURELY things will all be okay." 

I know I'm exaggerating. But someone in a necessarily active position doesn't get to be a fatalist. I do. You do. Not them. They HAVE to be movers and shakers because that is what they signed up for. Otherwise, it is not going to be okay. 


feather poem

Airplane floating by

floating. Bye bye.

Like a feather

floating by.

Airplane take me with you

take us with you

bye bye

take me with you

like a feather

floating by.

I don't know what I will do.

I don't know who I am.

Where is who I was yesterday?

Where did I go?

bye bye

Where did I go?

like a feather

floating by.

My hands are pregnant

with deeds I could do

My face is aged

too early too soon

by and by

Energy I have it

have it here somewhere

I'm not dead, yet.

I'm like a feather

floating by.

dumb story

I started tieing a matching ribbon in a bow around my ponytails in the eighth grade, even though that trend began and ended the year prior. Not only was I too late to catch the trend, it didn't even look as cool on me. Some girls just pull off bows better. Even though I persisted in wearing them, and though “friends” told me they “missed” wearing ribbons, I felt dumb for imitating the trend past its expiration date.


Shorter Posts Starting Now

October is becoming my new favorite month. September I love because it brings a time for celebration for Mitch and I (two years!), and because it is gently cooling into a snappy Texas autumn. Yet, its temperature changes are often quite erratic on this side of the Panhandle. October, though it does warm up a bit on crazy days, is typically more steady. Tonight we smelled the rain gathering in the sky. Tomorrow will wake up crisp and dewy.