your mouth makes a perfect o
small, smaller than my own
and cool, your afternoon well spent waiting
(my palm against you)
what had you to do anyway?
it's sunday.

and i tip you toward me waiting, wanting
will you rush at me too warm?
have you turned cold?
my mouth meets the firmness of yours
you are fresh and reposed
subtly bitter

so many feelings rush at me
your familiar sweetness
the thickness of your taste
the startling cold, unexpected greeting
and your powerful warmness
awake(!), enough to pull me up

** The undertow is a delightful concoction enjoyed at the Starbucks at Central Texas Marketplace. There are variations of it elsewhere in coffee shops across the world but as far as I know this particular one originated here. Created by a friendly yet aloof male barista, it is a layered espresso shot. The first layer is shot of syrup (mine is SF Vanilla), the second layer is a hint of cold milk, and it is topped by a fresh shot of espresso. Delicious and effective, it became a staple for many a secret service agent stopping in on his or her way to the President's ranch in nearby Crawford.

Here is someone else's post about the undertow. Just do a search for them and it will return reviews from all over the country.


One more thing. While we're on this topic. I find that this drink articulately describes a feeling I have quite often. Yes, sorry, an existential feeling. (See my sentences get choppier as I try to avoid Dear Diary-ing). I just feel like my everyday is caught in an undertow. With all I am I am desiring and creating who I am and what I want to do. Still, I feel powerless to actually propel myself into actualizing those desires. My books remain unread, letters do not write themselves, and schools cannot accept me without my applying to them.

I don't feel like I'm just treading water I'm swimming, pushing forward, but progress is so indiscernible. This week I accomplished one big push in turning in an application to a great school at which I would love to teach. By this time next week, I will accomplish one more great step in regards to graduate school. Little by little. Building my Rome.

Any push I do have. That is from the Lord.

likely story

I didn't take any pictures this week because my SD card was in my net book and I kept forgetting to take it out and put it in my camera.


to think about:

leaves waffling through the air

perpetual sadness

heartbreak as the portal into adulthood


new ideas or old ones?

Kant and the unstoppable urge to categorize everything

the lie of advertising

how long has House been on T.V.? long time.


Preparing to Be the Woman I Want to Be

At the end of yoga we lay down in savasana- the corpse pose. Having exhausted (ha-we wish) every muscle, we surrender completely to the ground, our souls pointing upward, arms outstretched as they fall, and palms up, ready to receive and to give blessings.

This is my favorite time. In savasana I feel the most like myself. In savasana I connect with Sara past, present, and future.

I see my lowliness before the Creator and my sprightly spirit He has filled with joy. In savasana I can make any decision, I can know the desires of my true self, and the way of birds and roots and leaves.

In these moments of clarity, after I have opened up every muscle and exhaled stale air out of the hidden cavities of my lungs, after asking forgiveness, and laying there at his mercy, my path becomes a little bit more clear and sun shines on another inch of destiny.

There are some habits I need to form to become the woman I want to be, the woman I want Mitch to marry. One habit I started working on this week-- carrying my camera every day and getting at least one good shot to share. Here are the pictures from this last week:

Sunday: Rejoicing over bluebonnets. During this celebrations some "bluebonnet activists" drove by and shouted "F*^& you!"

Monday: Mitch making one of my favorite faces of his-- consternation, resulting from this new big bottle beer we were trying, Collaboration Not Litigation. Perfect setting for discussing flowers for the wedding.
Tuesday: tree at work
Wednesday or Thursday (not sure): calf at work
Friday: glamour at the Hollywood Jewel in Waco-- Alyssa and Jason

Gratuitous picture of Clark and June which I love.