Technicolor Life

It is easy to become wrapped up in life. It is difficult to wrap one's mind around life. My mind bounces in pin-ball fashion between the complexities and simplicities of existence. Mystery is no stranger to me, so answers I expect not, or, if ever, rarely. This moment, some things glitter with epiphany-esque novelty and surety. They are certain, were certain a moment ago. Today they are foundational, tomorrow-- ethereal. That is fine; that is flux.

Example. It has ever been hard for me to decide if life is exceedingly simple, with everything being homogenous and rote, or if it is indeed composed of endless complexities. Finally, a picture came to mind that reconciled the two polar ideas. As mundane as this sounds, the picture was a chart. In the middle is the one, the good, God-- Alpha, Omega. God is beginning, end, all, the I Am. Then, branching out from the center in several directions are the themes of life. They are simple, because everything under the sun comes back to them. They are ancient and fresh. Love, Friendship, Family, Pride, Fear-- maybe. Themes, who am I to define them? Most are self-evident. And then from each of these themes a million, a billion, a trillion complexities sprout and become entangled with each other, forming knots, forming hybrids, forming, sprouting, shooting, twisting into infinity. They are the individuals, the quirks, the eras, the ambiguities, the details. And all go back to the themes, and all go back to the one, the good, God, being.

Here today, gone tomorrow. What I like about ideas like this that fall into my head is how they always seem to make life a shade clearer. Once they append to my worldview, I feel like I am just that much closer to getting it, to things clearing up, to enjoying the world as it is. It's like this little toy Mitch just gave himself. It's a little box that hooks up to his sound system that enhances the sound that comes out of the speakers. It makes sound come out like it was intended to be heard. It enriches the colors of all the notes that swirl out. Technicolor music notes, if you will.

That is what moments of clarity are like. They bring out the deeper shades of life. Brights brighten, depths deepen. Etc.

Grace and peace.

Blood and Guts

It has been a long time since I've written a blog. At least six weeks, because it has been that long since I quit my job. The job I moved to Waco for. The job I hated 95% of the time: being a nanny for Family X.

You might have noticed that I never blogged about nannying. That is because I rarely had anything good to say about it. There were a few days here or there where I enjoyed my job. Where I thought, "Hey, I'm successfully running a household. How satisfying!" or "I love that I can cook whatever my heart desires for Family X because they buy all the ingredients I need!"

Those days were just too few and far between. Whatever you are doing, find joy in it. If it is ridiculously difficult to find joy in it, maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

Whewwwwww..... A gust of wind.

I am glad that the Lord delivered me from that place. It is nice to be happy again. Even though what the future holds for me is uncertain, I feel good and feeling good stands in stark contrast to how I felt during my ten weeks of employment.

Currently, I temp in an office in town. It is nice. Everyone acts office-y. Even I do. I walk around with my shirt tucked in, and a coffee cup in my raised right hand. Even though I just count beans and especially despite the fact that I am paid peanuts, I really delight in going in and contributing something to whatever it is that they do. Being a part of a team is nice.

Funny rabbit story? Yes, I have one. Tonight my bunny Luna was laying down on the hearth by the fireplace. She likes that spot because it is nicely cool. Well I walked over there and layed down by her on the hearth and opened a magazine. She absolutely did not understand. She treated me like a total invader and started pushing me away with her nose and eating my magazine. She even nipped at my heel which is quite odd. I moved over in the opposite direction about half a foot, which satisfied her and she layed back down and permitted me to pet her.

Schnitzel & Crap Cobbler (How My Summer After College Sorta Stunk)

Two things occurred today that I never expected. The first came as an involuntary praise to God during my morning commute. Suddenly I realized how thankful I am to Him that summer is over. He had delivered me from the longest, most exhausting and flavorless days of summer I had ever endured. Never have I not been reluctant for summer away. This year it changed. Being a nanny for four children during the summer in this small city was a greater challenge that I ever imagined. And today, it is over. Today was the first day of school.

The second thing is that I am stuck at work because my defunct blueberry & strawberry cobbler took an audacious amount of time to bake. Who'da thunk it?

In all fairness though, my weekends during the second half of the summer were super fun because Mitch and I filled them with weekend trips. Also, having to cook every day for this family has been a welcome task that I look forward to. Blehh! Life!

virginia woolf

Thank you for introducing me to so many new people (characters), Virginia Woolf. Your genius lies in that now I know so many more people that I do and do not really know at all.

Taking Care of Business

Feeling good. Two days a week I have "half" days where I only work from 1-6:30. Today is such. I love these days.

I received my first paycheck. It was a great feeling. Working full time rules! Eh. Not really, but my work is good and money is good and paying bills is good, too, which is what I've done so far today. I'm a bit skeptical of online bill pay through my bank. The only thing I've used it for in the past was my credit cards which are through my bank. Fool proof. Now we'll see if such and such water service in Utah receives my money. Fingers crossed.

Also tried to get my delivery of the Times to stop being scattered. Wish I had gotten on it sooner because they just credit your account if you report missing your paper. I thought it might be more difficult. Nope.

Also, excited about using Mint.com to help me better manage my money. Wahoo!

In the works: an article for Pop Culture & Faith about nihilism and independent films. I'm really enjoying rereading pieces of Dr. Wood's Placing Aesthetics for this piece. He is so brilliant.

Adult Ed.

Today I read something surprising in Mortimer Adler's The Paideia Proposal: An Educational Manifesto. He states in it that real education happens after someone completes their education, when they are on their own, when their maturity is put to the test, when they make crucial life decisions.

This was surprising because we post-mod babies are raised to look backward into our childhoods for the most shaping moments in our lives. It is true that the stuff adults are made of is indeed concocted when we are young. There can be no denying that. I know my dad is still moved in his heart by "the way he was raised," despite how far he feels that he strayed from that.

But, maybe Adler is still right. When we're out of school, when all training wheels are off, when we pedal so far that we cannot look back and see our mothers standing behind us we have the chance to either bend and break under independence and responsiblity, or to stand stronger, and more resilient against their weight.

God and the Pope

This morning I finished reading Orlando while standing on the third step in the pool. What a whirlwind of ideas and drama and description! I don't know how to review it, yet. I just know that I couldn't have read it at a better time in my life. Love.

Outside of this Starbucks, two men are sitting, shooting the breeze. They've provided me quite a bit of entertainment. For a while I couldn't see one of their faces because it was hidden past the other one's head. He was speaking, which I could only infer by the wildness in his hands as they gestured and made motions and acted things out. I watched them with a bit of fascination. He made a fist and acted like he was stuffing things into it. He demonstrated the length of his forearm. He made circles. He patted invisible heads. All the while I was imagining that he was God and was retelling the creation of the world and it made me laugh. Especially when he patted the heads. The other man has unruly white hair and is smoking. He has thick RayBan glasses. I'm pretending he was once a Pope. God is also wearing glasses, which I can see because he is sitting back in his chair now and they dialogue interchangably and flick their cigarrettes. I never figured him for a Cowboys' fan. He's wearing their hat.