12.15.2007

Saturday Morning

Antidote for Lonliness

To survive being alone,
make in yourself a home.

Be your own best friend.
Work toward good ends.

Do what you love most.
In that, be engrossed.

Friends will always roam,
make in yourself a home.

What has happened in the last twenty-four hours? So much. Mitch graduated and I met his very nice family at the ceremony. We ate lunch and helped Mitch pack his stuff up into a U-Haul that was waiting. Mitch and I said a brief goodbye in the December drizzle and he summed up this next season in our lives by saying, "I'll call you." We are back to long-distance. I can hardly believe this beautiful little season in our lives of being in the same town is over.
The bare facts are that I do not like it because I already miss him terribly with a sense of foreboding of the many, many days of missing him that are to come. Yet, it is good, because I need more time to grow as a person by myself. It's back to the independence I had in Burnet, but in the big D. And back to that absence which (hopefully!) makes the heart grow fonder.
After we said goodbye I went to work and since my boss is so motherly I couldn't help but to cry on her shoulder for a few minutes. Mothers always bring out my tears. I wished my mom was closer. I'm really glad I went to work because as crazy as some of those little devils are, they are mostly all sweet and fun to be with.
After work I was devastated to not complete my normal routine of rushing straight over to Mitch's, running down the sidewalk, and knocking on his door to see his little head peer around the corner. Instead I went to my apartment, which has suffered changes, too. Sarah's stuff is all moved to the back bedroom. I will miss being her roommate, a bit. Alyssa's stuff was all packed up so she could leave in the morning. Sitting alone in my room, I let the full weight of all of these changes hit me and finally let all of this sad-ness manifest itself into many tears. It is good to cry it all out at once, than to let them trickle out of sad eyes occasionally, for a long time. Mal called and talked me through it.
When I got it together, I started cleaning up my end-of-semester piles of clothing, made a small dinner, and watched parts of two movies on TV. Alyssa came home and I fell asleep while she was finishing Gladiator. This morning I woke up and she was almost out the door. We said goodbye. She is off to her big adventure. Sarah starts the adventure of being married if a few months. I am starting another big adventure, too, I suppose.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Sara.

I miss you terribly.

I feel sadness in my heart to know that you were so moved by friends moving away. I felt the same. My roommate, Jordan, will be studying in Ghana all of next semester, and Jackie will be in France.

Sometimes, I think we don't truly see the value of our friendships until we can sit back and see how people have impacted our lives in being gone.

I knew also that when you left, there would be something missing from me. I think I am feeling that part missing again.

I don't want this to sound like a love letter, but I do love you.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I miss you like the deserts miss the rain.